Can’t you feel it f—in’ tingle?!

Is there an app for proving that you are not insane? And why should I have to prove that I’m not insane? Isn’t the customer always right? Apparently not when it comes to iPhones.

So, my brand new 3-week old iPhone kind of sucks. Well, not really, but it does something that not only really bothers me, it contributes to the appearance of my insanity (or at least senility). The darn thing tingles. No, it’s not the vibration mode of the ringer — god! if I had an iPhone for every time someone thinks it’s as simple as that. It gives of a kind of charged tingle, when I hold it in my hands. Most notably down my leg when I keep it in my pocket. It’s so bad that I eventually want to take it out of my pocket. And when I hold it in my hand, before long (i.e. 10 minutes) it tingles up my arm and after about 15 minutes my knuckles will even start to ache a bit, like I have the flu or something. The iPhone flu.

So, being so naive as I am, I bring it in to the store. Of course, there’s no one to help me. I have to make an appointment with the “genius” and come back in two days. Whatever. So I wait and come back at my assigned time. Of course, I have to wait 15 minutes for that assigned genius, and in that time, the phone has tingled my hand like crazy. Speaking of “crazy”, when I tell the guy, he can’t feel it! He looks at me like I’m crazy. I know how it sounds, but I’m not crazy. Why do I have to prove that? After I keep insisting, he hands it to some other genius who’s busy doing something on the computer. She tries to feel it, but she doesn’t. Of course not! It’s not exactly quiet in the store, and I don’t think they are really focused on the feeling (which is subtle at first). They’re busy thinking of how many customers they need to see or when they’re done for the day. Plus they are probably thinking it’s something like the vibrating ringer so they don’t think it’s anything softer than that — it’s not the vibrating ringer, OK? So he takes the phone back to check “inside”. He comes back and tells me that there’s no sound, nothing audible, and he put it on something to feel vibration and it didn’t register any. Of course not! It’s not frakkin’ vibrating. It’s tingling!!

So, he looks at me and says that he can’t replace it because he can’t find anything wrong with it. Why the hell not?! When you buy a shirt and you take it home to wear and it’s scratchy, you can return it or exchange it. When you buy a CD player and you don’t like the sound, you can bring it back to the store. What is so special about the iPhone that I can’t get it replaced? “What’s wrong with it?”! I paid mucho bucks for a phone that I’m stuck with for 3 long years and I don’t even want to touch it! That’s what’s wrong with it! If they suspect me of some phone exchanging scam, what on earth do I have to gain by coming in and exchanging my phone. It’s not like it’s damaged or anything, it’s good as new. I just want one that doesn’t give me the shivers. Is that too much to ask, Apple?!

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